Who Is the Person You Allow Yourself to Feel in Front Of?

Part 2

Dr. Antonina Kardasheva

Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Expert in Emotional Intelligence

On the Conscious Choice of Whom We Trust with Our Emotions

We live in a time when we will increasingly interact with systems capable of recognizing our language, analyzing our behavior, and simulating empathetic responses. This is precisely why I believe that the ability to be an emotion ally will become increasingly important.

Technology can recognize the word “sad.” But human presence carries a history of relationships, reciprocity, responsibility, and the ability of two people to go through an experience together. That is why the future of emotional intelligence cannot be limited to the question: “Am I able to manage my own emotions?” We must also ask: “How do the other person's emotions change when they are around me?”

This represents a different level of emotional maturity. And when we talk about emotional intelligence, we should consider two directions of reflection: Who is the person you allow yourself to feel in front of? And then: Can you be the person in whose presence someone else can allow themselves to feel? For whom are you the person who does not rush to judge, correct, or offer advice, but first creates a space where the other person can be heard? Because sometimes the most meaningful human presence does not begin with the words: “I know what you should do.” But with something much simpler: “I'm here. Tell me how you're feeling.”

The topic opens up two directions for discussion: Is the person we trust with our emotions also the person who supports us? The former is not necessarily the person closest to us, nor someone who always agrees with us. They may challenge us, but without invalidating our experience. This is an important psychological boundary: Acknowledging your feelings does not mean approving of your behavior. Very often, parents in such situations fail to make this distinction and confuse their roles.

Second, I would also introduce the concept of the emotional memory of relationships. We remember not only what people have said to us, but also how we felt in their presence. A child gradually learns who they can cry in front of. An employee learns who they can admit a mistake to. A partner learns who they can show vulnerability to. In this way, a kind of “emotional map of safety” is created. If we want to be an emotion ally for others, let us remember that our emotions have a memory.

People often ask me: Can someone have high emotional intelligence and still not be the person anyone would trust with their emotions? If we view emotional intelligence solely as an individual skill — recognizing, understanding, using, and regulating our own emotions — we overlook its social dimension. Perhaps the real test is not only how I manage myself, but what I can do for another person in my presence so that they can allow themselves to feel.

In the age of technology, we must be very precise: AI can generate language that sounds empathetic, but this does not structure human relationships with the same reciprocity, responsibility, and care. This is precisely why developing our ability to be an emotion ally may become even more important in the AI era. And in this context, we should ask ourselves another question: If technology is always available to “listen” to a child while we are constantly busy, whom will that child gradually learn to turn to? In the family, this would mean a culture in which emotions can be named and discussed without parents providing ready-made solutions to everything.

At school - an environment in which every child knows at least one adult they can turn to, while gradually learning to become an emotion ally for others.

In business - an organizational culture in which a person can say “I don't know,” “I made a mistake,” “I have a different opinion,” or “I need help,” without automatically losing psychological safety or professional dignity.

A new period in the development of emotional intelligence has begun - one in which we create relationships, families, schools, and organizations where people can be emotionally authentic with one another in order to find strategies for emotional regulation. Because emotional intelligence is not demonstrated solely by the way we manage ourselves. It is also reflected in our ability to make others feel comfortable enough to allow themselves to experience their emotions in our presence.